Confessions of a Church Skipper and Hopper

Happy Monday, folks! This will probably turn out to be a pretty wordy post, but please read to the end, otherwise you will miss what I really want to say. Today I want to talk about church. I actually attempted this two nights ago, only to go to bed feeling mildly frustrated that I couldn't gather my thoughts enough for them to make any sense. I think that since I just went to church yesterday, the ideas I want to express are so fresh in my mind, it should work out better. God always knows what He is doing, doesn't He? He gives us what we need, when we need it, and not before.

I like 1 John 1:9 - if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Sweet. Of course, James 5:16 tells us to confess our sins to each other and pray for each other. Bummer. Isn't it easier just to confess our sins to God? Confessing to one another can damage our reputations.

As you can see from my title, this is somewhat of a confession. Yes, I was formerly a church skipper, then a church hopper. My prideful self - yes, there it is again - does not want to talk about this. Of course, I want everyone to believe that I have it all together. I've been attending church since I was a little girl, and I love Jesus. So, I have a lot of experience at this, and I can talk a good game, if that's what I want to do. Not good.

I spent a good majority of time - a couple of years - rarely attending church. I had been a member of a church for quite a while, but over the years, I began learning on my own about theology and doctrine, and I came to disagree quite a lot with what my church taught. I attended small groups and Bible studies here and there, and was always told it was fine to not attend church, as long as I was hanging out with believers. So, that's what I did. Hey, I haven't even been to Bible study for a month, but sure, I'll go to a movie with you guys. I need to be hanging out with fellow believers, right? Why did I need to go to church, when I was reading my Bible and listening to podcasts at home, getting the teaching that I craved, and wasn't receiving at church?

I continued only going to church once in a while, and I might go on Easter or Christmas or something. I remember thinking all the time that I needed to go to church, but then talking myself out of it. I was tired. I never learned anything there anyway.

Then, a pretty major crisis occured in my family. I needed help. I turned to the church for the guidance I was seeking, and was pretty much turned away. How dare they! I had been a member for years. Without God's sovereign hand in my life, I probably would have become very bitter against the church as a whole. I was pretty angry. But I was desperate for some kind of help. So, I left that church for good, and found another. They were willing and eager to help me. I attended there for a while, but they were going through some big changes, and I balked as soon as I perceived they were becoming very much like the church I had just left. No problem. I had found a Bible study there and just went to that instead of church. It suited me pretty well. I still didn't have to get up early on a Sunday for church, but I was back in fellowship. I didn't actually do my weekly lessons, but I made friends and spent lots of time with them.

Until they abandoned me. I had been going to the Bible study for nearly a year, and we had taken a little break during the summer. During that time, they all decided to disband the Bible study. And didn't tell me. I found out about 2 months later, right before it was supposed to start back up.

Well, I was angry again. And totally without fellowship, again. Remind me again - why do I need to go to church, when I'll just end up being treated like dirt?

Long story, I know. I wanted to just totally give up on church altogether, but ever since that crisis period, I knew I needed to be in some kind of fellowship. When that had happened, I quickly realized I had very few friends. And the couple of close friends I did have were not able to give me the help I needed. They loved me through it, but they have their own families and lives. So, I began researching churches in my area. My prevailing thought was that I needed a support system. I had long since given up on the idea that I would find a church with teaching that was in line with what I believe in - which is reformed theology. I was just hopeful to find a church with nice people.

After a lot of searching, and church hopping (there's the other part of my confession) I landed where I am now. Okay, I didn't land there. God placed me there. It definitely feels like family to me. In an awkward sense, of course, because I'm super weird. Have you seen that t-shirt that says, "Sorry, I'm awkward. Sorry."? It makes me laugh so much, because it's 100% me. I've been attending this church for 8 months now, and I feel totally at home, and totally like a newbie. But really, it's because I'm weird. The church is great. Excellent teaching, fabulous, kind people. I love everything about it. I feel so humbled that God has placed me there!

I'm about to get to the point of the story here, so if you've just been skimming through that mess of words up there, here is where you want to pay attention. I love my church. I'm excited to go to church on Sundays. I'm getting involved, doing some volunteering, and for the first time in so many years, I look forward to doing these things. But this is not about how great my church is, and it's not about finding the perfect church. It never had to do with me finding the right church. It has nothing to do with my former church, which I felt at the time had treated me unfairly. When I consider what Jesus has done for me, what right do I have to be offended when every little thing doesn't go my way? It had and has to do with my heart. I disagreed with the teaching at my former church, but that wasn't the reason I left. I had a disobedient heart. I suspect that if I had attended church faithfully as I should have, my journey to the church I'm in now would have been much less painful. During my time of church skippage and hoppage, I knew in my heart that I was wrong, despite all of my justifying and rationalizing. My heart was turned toward myself - church wasn't doing anything for me. Well, church isn't about me. It's about being obedient to the Lord Jesus. Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to neglect meeting together. And it's not talking about showing up at a Bible study here and there and going to movies and out to lunch with other Christians.

God is so gracious to me. He placed that crisis in my life in order to teach me some hard lessons. It was a painful time, but I would never wish I could change it - it has made me a different person, and I know I am being sanctified through the hard times. Thank you, Lord!

It's easy to become complacent about church attendance, especially when you suffer with an illness or disability, but it is my prayer that we will all make it a priority. God has designed us to be in fellowship, and we need it even more when we deal with hardships. If you are not in a church, I pray that you would make every effort to be there! I know that many people are home-bound, but I also know how easy it was for me to make excuses. Not only do you need to have a church family, but they need you! No matter how little you feel you have to offer.

Thanks for reading, my lovelies! Don't forget to comment, and please share!

 

 

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