Longer Intro

As I said in my intro, I am in my 30's. I suddenly became very sick at age 23, to the point that I could have died. Without medical intervention, I would have. I was a totally normal, active young woman. I worked full time as a preschool teacher, volunteered extensively at church, had plenty of energy for having fun with friends. This all changed, literally overnight. Actually, I had had a few little hiccups with my health as a teenager, but I & my parents had been assured by several doctors that they were perfectly normal things.

Life as I knew it came crashing down, and it has never been the same since. I spent months being tested for every disease my doctor could think of. I had to quit my job. I hadn't had health insurance even when I was working, so I had to sell my car to help pay my bills. God has given me with a wonderful, supportive family, and they were such a blessing through that dark time. My younger brother helped take care of me, financially, and otherwise.

Finally, after 5 months of terror - I was so young and had no clue what was going on - my doctor put me on a medication that helped mask my symptoms, which was fine with me. I was so sick I didn't care that it didn't address the real problem - I just wanted my life back. My closest friends had abandoned me because they "didn't know how to be around me anymore". Most of all though, I am a prideful sinner. Soooo prideful. I hated depending on others. I want to take care of myself. I couldn't have known that the medication that helped me would cause even more irreparable damage to my health.

Finally, a year and a half after being forced to quit my job, my illness was under control enough for me to go back to work. I continued to work as hard as I could but found it to be more difficult than before as I had lost all of my energy, and I was now in constant, debilitating pain. My life became about going to work, and little else. I had no room emotionally, or physically, for anything else.


Aside from how hard it was, I loved my job. I continued to work for another 5 years, struggling hugely with my health, until it got to a point I couldn't do it any longer. My mom convinced me that she and my dad could help me out for a while until I could get some rest and medical care and get better. I was in need of surgery, and my 4 to 5 doctor appointments per week, plus my full time job, were a burden I could no longer bear. I hated the idea, but I didn't see any other options. Once again, I quit my job, and sold my car to pay my bills.

After nearly 8 months, I was able to have surgery. My naturopath was against it, but I was desperate, and hopeful that it would help. (There is a lot to say about that whole mess, but it will have to be a story for another time!) It did help. But it was not the miracle cure I had hoped for. I had actually been working very part time, and had planned on returning full time after I had recovered from surgery. No such luck. I was so so sick. God's sovereign timing was perfect though. It turned out
being better for my whole family that I did not return to work.

A year later, another crisis in my life led me back to work, yet again. It was the same workplace, but a different position. It was so hard on my body, I cried every single night when I got home. I felt totally broken. At this point, I will just stop and say that I have been a Christian since childhood. I love The Lord - however, I grew up with a lot of poor theology and teaching, and I have often struggled with relying on Him as I should.

I scrounged up the money to go to a new doctor, and to my relief, she confirmed my suspicions, and diagnosed me with 2 different chronic illnesses. I remember crying all the way home because I have spent practically my whole adult life being told that if I would just eat right and exercise and drink water and take vitamins I would feel better. Also another post for another time. Anyway, I did all those things, and I didn't feel better. This doctor explained to me that the illness I developed when I was 23 was much the same as when a person is in a severe car accident, and they never fully heal.
Becoming so sick, so quickly, was a major trauma to my body. Besides that, I was still taking that awful medication. It was still only masking my symptoms, and causing other things to become much worse. She told me to get off of it NOW. In order to do that, I would have to have major surgery. Again, God was at work, and in His perfect timing, I was able to have the surgery 6 months later. I had quit my job again by then - you would think they would be sick of me there, but amazingly, they're not! - God had given my family everything we needed.

That surgery took a lot from me - but The Lord has given me much grace and I have endured it well, only because of Him. Again, it helped me in many ways, but again, just as a victim of severe trauma, I will never be the same.

All that long story (which of course isn't even a quarter of it) was to say that I often feel like I have lost the last 10+ years of my life. I feel like I still ought to be around 25. I believe with everything in me that God's plan is perfect, but I haven't always believed it. It's taken me a long time to get here. He has blessed me more than I could ever say, in spite of my illness, but I can also say, because of my
illness. I can't know why I have suffered as I have, although I have a few ideas about SOME of it, but I do know that He is using it to sanctify me. Praise The Lord for His sovereign care!


More to come, another time! If you have a friend struggling with illness, please share my blog with them!